Condolences
by Cathook
Summary: Short story set after Forever In A Day, as Daniel struggles to deal with the death of Sha're and the rest of SG-1 struggles to deal with his grief.


**Condolences**

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 **Summary:** Short story set after _Forever In A Day,_ as Daniel struggles to deal with the death of Sha're and the rest of SG-1 struggles to deal with his grief.

Please leave a **review**.

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The water is warm and soothing, washing away the tears on my face. I've held them back until now, until I'm alone in the dark. For some reason it feels better to stand in darkness and cry, even if no one would have seen me anyway. I don't know how long it takes, standing under the shower head and letting the water wash over me, but eventually the tears run out. Slowly I turn the water off and lean my forehead against the cool wall. I suck in a deep breath. It's shaky and wet with tears and water. I take another, trying to steady myself. Sooner or later I'll have to leave this room and look people in the face. Sooner…or later.

A sound breaks through my silence; the door to the locker room opening. Voices drift into the darkness and my heart speeds up. All of a sudden I feel silly. Who showers in the dark? Holding my breath I tiptoe to the doorway and peer into the locker room. Maybe I can sneak out without being seen. The hope dies as quickly as it was born. It's Sam and Jack, and they both have their lockers within view of mine. I really hope that none of them are planning on having a shower.

I watch as they open their lockers, strategically turning their backs on each other. They move with the ease of friends who trust the other not to look. I start to draw back in respect of their privacy when I hear Sam mention my name, and I'm overtaken by curiosity.

For a fraction of a moment I feel a twinge of guilt. I'm not supposed to be here. I told my team I was going home several hours ago, but mostly that was to get away from their worried eyes. I know I shouldn't listen but forced to stay where I am, I can't help it. Besides, I've always found it quite interesting to overhear the kind of conversations people have when they think it will never get back to you what they said. That's when you find out what they really think of you.

"He's not okay," Jack says as he rummages through his locker, pulling out a set of sweats.

Sam nods and pauses, her own sweatpants in hand. "I know, but he says he is, so what can we do?"

I carefully stick my head out a little further. I need to see Jack's face, to know what he's thinking. He hasn't answered yet, but he is pulling his training clothes on with the slow movements of a man who is thinking carefully about what to say next. He sits down heavily on the bench between the rows of lockers. His shoes are in front of him, but he makes no move to put them on. His gaze seems fixed on the nametag on my locker. Sam quickly tugs a t-shirt over her head and sits down next to him from the other side of the bench. Her shoulder brushes against his and the light touch shakes him out of his reverie. I can see the moment his jaw sets with determination.

"We'll be there for him," he says in a voice that challenges anyone to contradict him. "That's what we can do. Whether he admits he needs us to or not. It's what friends do. What family does."

He yanks his shoes on and ties them in time with the words. Then he bounces to his feet with a jittery kind of energy. For a moment he faces the shower room, his eyes staying on the dark opening. My breath catches in my throat and I daren't move even to hide better. Did he see me? No, he turns away and slams his locker shut.

"Are you done?" he asks Sam impatiently.

She hurries to tie her laces and close her locker. Seconds later the door swings shut behind them. I stare at it and at first I can't understand why the locker room is getting blurry. Heavy teardrops roll down my cheeks again and I absentmindedly wipe them off as I walk over to my locker.

I dress slowly, my head swirling with thoughts. The conversation I heard wasn't what I had expected. They all said they cared, that they're sorry for my loss, and if there's anything they can do… But I brushed them off. I told them I was okay. Told Teal'c I forgave him, which surprised him a lot. A snigger escapes me. It echoes oddly in the empty locker room. I gather my things and head for the elevators. I walk without seeing, my feet know the way, while my mind spins with thoughts again. I haven't known many people who'd care enough to read between the lines. I haven't let many people know me well enough to be able to. As a child I wasn't necessarily lonely, but I was often alone. When my parents were alive I spent a lot of time on foreign digs, and then there was the foster system. It's not an environment that breeds trust. At university I was younger than everyone else so I didn't make many friends there, and most of the ones I had stopped talking to me after I presented my theories about aliens in ancient Egypt. And now, just my luck that I'm proven right but can't tell anyone. Simply put there are fairly valid reasons that my team's affection often comes as a surprise to me. Maybe I should try not to push them away so much. I swipe my card to call the elevator down. Lost in thought I don't hear the footfalls approaching behind me.

"DanielJackson?"

Teal'c's voice startles me and I turn to give him a tentative smile. "Hi, Teal'c."

"I was under the impression you had departed for home."

I squirm under his unwavering gaze, but decide just to shrug. "I had a shower first. I'm heading home now."

The elevator pings and the doors slide open. I step in, and can't quite decide what to feel as Teal'c steps in after me. We ride in silence, watching the numbers count down to eleven. As I step out to switch to the primary elevator and continue to the surface, Teal'c finally speaks.

"Chel hol. Ona rak."

I stand struck and the elevator doors close before I have time to respond. I suspect that was precisely the intention. It's just like Teal'c to stoically offer supportive sentiment that would have been deeply emotional coming from a human. I know he is no less sincere, just more respectful of the space I need. Perhaps we have that in common. Just like me he seems to keep a lot of his thoughts and feelings to himself, guarding his heart. I guess he's had experiences too, to teach him the risk of vulnerability. None the less, that makes three. As I reach out and swipe my card I find myself smiling despite the weight in my heart. My steps are just a fraction lighter when I step into the elevator and let it carry me away. Tomorrow will be a new day, and I will face it with my friends by my side.

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 **The End**

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A/N: Teal'c's line is pieced together from some lines used in the show. It translates something like "Take courage." and then an open offer along the lines of "if there's anything I can do...".


End file.
